21 July 2020

Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again


Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. It seemed to me I stood by the iron gate leading to the drive, and for a while I could not enter, for the way was barred to me. There was a padlock and a chain upon the gate. I called in my dream to the lodge-keeper, and had no answer, and peering closer through the rusted spokes of the gate I saw that the lodge was uninhabited. No smoke came from the chimney, and the little lattice windows gaped forlorn. Then, like all dreamers, I was possessed of a sudden with supernatural powers and passed like a spirit through the barrier before me. (Daphne du Maurier)

Last night I dreamt I went to Maison Pierre again.  There was Maison Pierre, secretive and silent as it had always been, the grey stone shining in the moonlight of my dream. We are back in our French house and feeling like intruders because we know it is not ours any more.  But we are surrounded by our personal possessions, the old brown leather armchairs, our pictures on the walls, our books on the shelves.  We know we are not supposed to be there and must hurry and go before the new owners return.  A strange and recurring dream.

Of course we miss our old home in France and the long, lazy summers. I miss the old house with its crumbling walls and creaky stairs.  I miss the owls in the tower. I miss the views across the valley. I miss the happy times we had there with friends and family.  I miss that feeling of excitement and anticipation for our life ahead that we had when we first moved out there.

But Lincolnshire is a good consolation prize and we are making new friends and memories here.  If only the sun could stay out a bit longer!  The country lanes are as quiet here as those in the Dordogne and cycling is still a pleasure.

If we ever go back to France for a holiday we shall explore a different region, it would be unbearably poignant to visit our old haunts.


24 comments:

  1. Sue I dont think anyone is getting a lot of warm sunny weather at present. Believe me I remember blissful sunny summers from my Lincolnshire childhoo. Give it a year or two.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We were spoilt by the French summers. I hope we get some sunnier weather this year though.

      Delete
  2. I often think of where we used to live, but here we are in Suffolk and after three years I am only just feeling settled here.. we still need to make friends but we are making progress and we do have a lot of sunshiny days, too hot sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too hot? We should have moved to Suffolk!

      Delete
  3. A very poignant post, Sue. I do so hope you get to take a trip back to France in the future. Meanwhile, enjoy your present location as it sounds like a good second best to me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be nice to have a holiday back there one day although we would have to renew Rick's pet passport.

      Delete
  4. Nothing much has changed here. V du Pd still like a ghost town, all grass turning beige, the isles at Leclerc still blocked by shelf stackers, plenty of horseflies around, days too hot for the dog to venture outdoors, etc, etc. However, we will eat at The Commerce tonight, where their entrecote-n-chips is always very excellent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember our first meal at The Commerce, lunch just after we'd signed the papers and collected our house keys from the notaire.

      Delete
    2. Last night was top-notch again; we were the only two there!

      Delete
  5. It must be very poignant remembering and dreaming of your home in France. At least you have Cro for reminders. It sounds as though you have settled in back here well though. It is lovely when we get the sun but we could often do with a bit more sun. When it is sunny I always think that there is nowhere I would rather be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am content to be back in the UK but it was hard to leave it all behind. The sunshine definitely helps!

      Delete
  6. In my head I plan a return to France for a holiday and see my 'old' friends but no doubt it won't be this year and I suspect that something else will prevent me from going next year. No Fr bank a/c (perhaps, it's been four months so far of trying to close it), no EU fall back for Health treatment and even The Dog is getting a bit old now....Sigh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brexit has certainly made it harder to travel abroad. I don't see us going back in the near future for any visits.

      Delete
    2. No it hasn't. What rubbish. You have been brainwashed into believing something that hasn't even happened. People are still buying in Europe.

      Delete
    3. You are right. What I really meant to say is that it will be harder to travel with dogs if they do away with the current system.

      Delete
    4. Social media has a habit of passing things on that are not accurate and then they become entrenched with social media people. It may go down alright on the blogs of some of your blog friends but not with me. There are still lots of ifs and buts and unknowns. I see no reason for France to want to turn anyone away where money is involved that they will benefit from nor will Britain want to fall out with France.

      Delete
  7. Enjoy your happy memories. Your decision to sell up must have been made with great thought and much heart searching, it wasn't made lightly.
    I can't say that I have given much thought to moving back to the UK, even though I am now on my own (apart from the dog!). From what I've read and seen, it strikes me as a totally alien country these days. After 20-odd years away it would be a huge culture shock! Although I still keep in touch with friends in the UK, I've made many friends here too, and must admit that I enjoy living in a multi-national community.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are still parts of the UK that are untouched and unspoilt even though many towns have been developed and expanded beyond recognition. It was the right decision for us to move back.

      Delete
  8. Perhaps it is part of the human psyche to look back achingly on happy episodes that are now gilded by the alchemy of time. I guess that that is why "Le Grand Meaulnes" is so revered.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was our home for a long time. The dreams just pop up from time to time from my sub conscious I guess.

      Delete
  9. I haven't moved countries but after being born and brought up in Leicestershire, mostly in small villages, I made the decision to fulfil a dream of living in Cornwall. My husband had died the previous year, eldest son was in the Army and ready to settle in Hampshire with his fiancee (now his wife) and I had 2 young sons (10yrs and 7yrs) still at home. Never regretted it despite warnings of all sorts from family and friends, but just now and then I get nostalgic about Leicestershire's villages, red brick houses, masses of footpaths, big skies over flat areas, etc. and the places where we had lived. Sometimes my dreams reflect those thoughts and I find myself back in that little cottage where I was born and lived for 7 years, seeing the people who became such dear friends. Nostalgia is OK as long as it doesn't lead to sudden rash decisions which might or might not have a happy outcome. I'd like to go back and see those places but of course the people are mostly long gone. I am very content in Cornwall - even more so once I'm able to go to favourite places without being under threat from Covid!! Keep dreaming, Sue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cornwall is a beautiful county. We looked but couldn't find a suitable property there. I think it might just be the British weather that is making me unconsciously nostalgic for France right now.

      Delete